choices

At what point in our meaningful, and also meaningless, lives do the choices we make affect our everyday life? Where do we come to a point where we know that we constantly make the wrong decisions and we must change?

I look around me everyday and see so many that have given up and live with whatever choices they constantly make and will forever make. It is as if one decision, one moment, one choice is all that we know and see; and we continue to fall to that choice.

Is it the paradigms that we live in individually? These paradigms surround our every being, our every decision. So, I am to come to the conclusion that we do not make choices in our lives, but we make choices as to how we create the paradigms that we live within. These paradigms are nothing greater and nothing less than prison walls within our lives. And these, created by many, are the obstacles we must conquer, not our economic situation, not our status, not our career or job. But ourselves.

I live in a constant anxious and fearful state, yet I blame every problem I have on my financial position, and even more so the societal position I've been handed down. Wrong choices are a staple in my everyday way of life; choices that, as a child and young adult, I thought I would never compromise, but at the age of 25, I see as necessary. A lie was once a foe to my being, but now I live lies upon lies. Lieing to myself just to pass the days away, to eventually fade away and perish into nothing.

At what point are the compromising behaviours a change to the whole persona that I carry. I'm not who I once was; my innocence, belief structure, and self, in general, are compromised and almost non-existant.

Where is the end; and more appropriately, where is the beginning?