Chrons

Chrons is an interesting animal.

I suppose all diseases are.  Our physical bodies, feelings, and ultimately nerve endings have a manipulating way of twisting our thoughts, minds, and eventually actions.

That might just be the thorns in our sides, those pains and ailments we are given to bare all the while trying to live the life we were made to live.

One can just give in to pain or try to fight it, which will always be a losing battle.

I am blessed to have a fairly easy fight against my body, but I cant say the emotional toll, however, light or hard, depending on the day and time, isnt difficult.

A roller coaster of life, and a roller coaster of physical feelings.  All working in conjunction with each other, ready to collide at any given moment.  Ready to send one to a lower place then they've known, and not so much send you back up to new highs.  Thankfully, new highs are fought for, if theres any spirit left to use in said fight.

'I know what I want to do, I want to do what I want to do, but I do what I don't want to do'.  I believe Paul from the New Testament said this, or a much cleaner, less paraphrased version.  But he lived with thorns.

We all live with thorns.

In our society, American society a la the 21st century, a lot is glazed over.

Pain is traded in for pleasure, wherever that can be found.

Real is traded for compromised truths, i.e. lies and falsehoods.

We are traded for less equal versions of ourselves.

To fit in, to try to "succeed", however thats defined, to try to ignore.

Ignore pain.

Ignore emptiness.

Ignore loneliness.

Ignore our true selves.

We highlight our wins, the times where we are "happy", the moments where individuals succeed, all the while, ignoring truth that truely sums up who we are, outside of those "happy" successful moments and wins.  Those help define but our struggle helps us win.

I dont know if Im advocating looking at pain as pleasure, or trouble as reality, or a win as a loss, but a paradigm shift, whether that be in society or in my little space on the internet or even in my little space in my head, but it is a necessity.

Running emotionally through life as a roller coaster whether that be of life events or of physicality, it is not worth the effort.

I was told I received a promotion yesterday, obviously a win, especially a given win, yes, based on hard work and determination, but given, one thing we should not take for granted in this life, but also a win, a peak on this coaster.

The next day, my Chrons took a hold, through some unhealthy habits for sure, but controlled unhealthy habits, and I woke up throwing up.  A low that may appear solely physical in nature but within the parameters of a disease feels like another emotional low.

From high to low.

Roller coasting.