self conclusion - the spill canvas

"Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world."

Excuse me sir,
But I had plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right
My reply:
Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me."
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside of me has died
My reply:
Trust me girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice
Instead of dying, living with me

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do? My offer stands and you must choose

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming."
"Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets


So, there it goes...Its an amazing song; and I guess as subjective as that may be, anyone can like any type of music, so give it a try. It is obviously emo as to its subject and tone; but really, to that type of music, its someone expressing their emotions in the most pure way possible. That is a just a side note of why I enjoy the genre, b/c the spill canvas is tip of emo, close to dashboard. But the music is simply someone giving you the listener their heart; while you hear pop songs, rap songs, rock songs, whatever have you, where the writer is so superficial and such a persona that they don't have anything outside of the lyrics: you know how it goes, money, sex, the lifestyle, whatever you will, but emo is someone's heart. There are flashes of that in many types of music, but nowhere is it more prevalent.

But as much as music matters, so do humans. That doesn't quite work, but I'll run with it. This song is amazing, and emo is good to some; but this song concerns the human, two actually, who have set out a journey, and have failed. They're at the end, or what they believe to be the end of the journey, one that they feel has been a complete waste. And they're there and they find each other in that moment. And realize there's more.

Well. I've experienced death a little, not like most but have had flasshes. Grandma, only 1 that I knew, aunt, that I saw once a year, and several others that have effected me a little, but emotionally, not so much that I was extremely upset. Now, livin in PH, theres many chances and opportunities for death. And sadly, many have chose those. Obviously, drugs are major causes to most. Alcohol counts too, but its PH, like I said, so sadly, and truthfully, drugs are a major part of the deaths that I've been surrounded by, maybe not directly, but most certainly, indirectly. Also, cars and bikes has got some lives.

But suicide directly, like a direct attempt to end your life; thats not so common around here, or at least that I've experienced. I mean, if you're doing heroin, you might as well be wishing death on yourself, but most aren't directly goin' for a death sentence with that.

Well, lets start at this; maybe the point to the entry. I put this exact song on my other blog, my myspace one, for the main reason that its just a good song, and I really wanted to pop one up there, since my prior one was lame, and made me look like a fuckup and pretty much just a straight idiot. So, I posted this song. Two days later, I'm at church, which I was hoping for a revealing and peaceful and mind-soaking time, but the mood was set with the suicide of a fellow struggling Christian, brother, if you will. But he was about a couple years younger than me, about 3 I think, so prob'ly 21. He had went to Costa Rica with me when I was 16, on a mission trip. I never had much direct experience with him, but had enough, and throughout the years, I've seen him and been excited and went through the motions of old friends. It would have been more of an acquaintance in any other situation, but just because we were involved in such a life-changing and powerful experience. But nonetheless, he was an amazing kid, never really knew where he was at the age of 21. Perhaps college, dunno, but either way he was an awesome kid. And he killed himself. Because there was no one there? So, loneliness? I hadn't seen him in what I believe to be at least a year, prob'ly more like 3 or 4. Was it disparity? I have no idea, and the world may never have an idea. Only God will know. But my question and concern is what drives you to that place, even herion, what drives you to that? Life sucks a lot; there are a lot of hardships, especially these days. Financial to be the first, but then maybe its what is bought and gained from those finances. Lack of happiness, or at least contentment, may be the first and top hardship on our list that kills us, or even drives us to our most desperate points.

This is one I can neither debate, nor understand.