Football....America's New Pastime

So.

I have an addiction. Football. I don't understand it, and I have no idea where it came from. Perhaps, I'm just too American; I already was a mutt, an average Joe. So, football is in my nature, maybe even my veins, and DNA, and it is where I came from. Now that is a little over-dramatic, but has some worth and truth in this addiction I hold.

So, it could be that I'm too American. Or, maybe. How I view it: as I find myself obsessed with finding insights into the psychology of people, the society around me, and mainly, myself, I attach my self to this entertainment that shows the truest and most pure emotion we have. A kind-of split second, and war-like anger, but also a calmness in battle-type of mood. Putting humans in a win or lose situation, that we, in this society, have deemed the source for domination, and ultimately, our pride. This sport not only wages humans against other humans, its the biggest, fastest, and most fearless ones. And thus is our entertainment. And, yes, thus is our New Pastime, and symbol. A game that puts man against man, and celebrates the forces that lie within, a symbol for a society that has done the same with human life and the entire world alike.

I love football. I love the emotion. I love the pride. And maybe that is my downfall.

Pride comes before the fall.

unfortunately, I got that out of Boondock Saints, not the Bible, or more in terms, God's Word.

But still I love this obsession, and we, as Americans, can sympathize; at least I hope so. Or you're un-American. Ha, ok, I got off course. And, no, I would never believe such a hypocritical statement as formed by one's loose opinion.

College football is something where you see this great source of pride, alum and current students come to join together with other current students to cheer for something they all, as one, can relate too. How many times can we as humans say that we gathered for that large of a cause. I've gathered for larger, namely, DC for God. That was years ago. And cynics and other various vices have found their way into my belief structure, and heart and soul.

Ah, as for that, I will be back on the issue, as football is something that I use as a form of entertainment, but see so much more that is seen through the game of football and its affects on society here in America.

So, selah.

And.

happy new years. and, prosper like it wasn't 2009

Globalization

When I was in Costa Rica, I participated in a rather large rally of Costa Ricans, demonstrated over a period of 3 days throughout the entire country. This experience was informally named by myself, 'No al TLC'. Which, with my uniformed impression was NAFTA and free trade agreements, I actually took it on my own during the experience to think of it as 'globalization', and simply that, and more purely in Costa Rica throughout these days, the fight against globalization. And more aptly named 'Americanization'.
And I agree, their opinions are valid, and we, most ignorantly, disregard our opinions of the capital, corporation-driven society we feed into, and give in to everyday. We, as Americans, have not stood up as a people against the economic policies and dealings our country and government have with the outcomes of our lives. We have laid ignorantly and watched, as a people, our country being destroyed from the inside out, more like from the top, down. But what can we do? Hell, I don't even know. But I do know that feeding into this market, and this society, will only lead to the disintegration of the US as the top world power. Power, nuclears, and nothing but our deep ignorances and disregard for human lives outside of these borders, have given us that position.
I digress, we do hold that position, however, our greed, and collective group-speak ignorant, passive tactics can do nothing. Even on the inside, could one make that much of a difference. And the bigger question is: can a man give himself to a cause that he know he will never make a dent in, even as hard as he may try. To know that your life is to solve one problem, cause who are we, people, with problems. So, we set out, in our respective fields to solve that problem. I'm an 'accountant', well, not yet, but working towards it; the field is solving the problem of money, and of snakes, but thats way too side-tracked for me to be goin', we'd never see the light at the end of the tunnel for this one.
But, we set out to solve problems, and most put their goals to that; I mean, I do think I can take control of a company's, or a portion of a company's, finances and deliver and perform my job to standard, thus, while solving my life's problem. And, uh, yeah, my life has a little more depth than that. But, that is only a rudimentary example; I mean only to say that if we set a life goal: a problem for which one will dedicate their life to trying to find a solution for said problem. And this life goal is unattainable, ie changing the government, or the corporate world. You're never going to end the mass corruption, and even more so and truer, greed.

Oh yeah.

Its almost Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

And a happy and prosperous new year....even though that shit looks bleak(and if the above didn't take away my credibility, than that one might have went over the line) But as humans are meant to do: we solve problems.

buena suerte y tenga un vida buena y prosperoso

Heres to the fast times, the nights we felt alive....

So, I'm not much for writing about my life specifically and sololy in the blog, even though that perhaps is probably the main reason for the creation of such a thing as a blog. But today, to relieve some pressure off my thoughts and emotions, I must. I must also say that, I feel that writing about general topics could apply to a wider audience and more general conclusion, which all I'm trying to accomplish here is an 'understanding', created through 'trying'. But, today, I will stick with inner-analyztion in this, because, even in my micro-world that I create, I must find understanding.

So, I went to my work's annual Christmas party; not so annual for me, but I did go last Christmas, as was my first with the company. Before, previous in the day, I was told that it shows well of yourself to others within the corporation. And I responded that I agreed, and have read this many times. And the work party, was a lot more than expected. Which, considering the down economy, and no raises for '09, was well-deserved and even needed to compensate for the loss. I saw many people within the company, including sitting around a fire pit with top executives around the company. The head of the whole organization, in fact. But even as I was in the presence of my peers, and even more so in the presence of such powerful people within the company itself, it felt depressing. To know that I live such a different life; and don't exactly adhere to any sort of code or standard. I want to be expressing, and against the grain. But at what cost?

I felt a lot of jealousy as well. I am flawed; very much so, actually. And, while I wouldn't have it any other way, I look at most, and say, why was I chose to have the rocky road. Yeah, we all face adversity, and trials. And, in all reality, no situation, or life, can be exactly similar. These moments and situations that create the life that we experience daily are unique, and our own. But I feel cheated. A lot. I mean, I am very blessed. But why is there that unspoken basis to determine where one is at in life. I feel pressured by this, that I most likely make in my own head, but as I compare myself to others, which is the only basis I can see to scale the life I've created, I've fallen short in every category. And have no idea how to get back on the train. Some of this has been self inflicted, but the main burden I carry was a choice, yes, but also, the only option to create the life that I thought I was entitled to. I'm not a very specific person, even in this blog, but more so in real life, but for this, there is no way to not be specific. I am over $100K in debt for attending Penn State. That amounts to almost half of the money that I make within a given month, at my current position, with no extra income earned. Half.

And I continually ask, is there a solution? I see a path in front of me that is the only way to reach those goals. But its harder than this one, I complain, and depress, myself about constantly. Specifically, on this one: going to grad school and working towards my CPA. Both, at my current position in life don't seem too probable, or imaginable. But to obtain these goals I've set, and to reach that so-called level that I, and my worldly view, have created to compare myself with others, I must work. And the two things that make one successful are preparation and opportunity. Because this is about when preparation meets opportunity. Simple, yet true.

So, summation. I'm jealous, behind, and lost.

I have a problem

OK, so. We all have problems. We all live in this society, or in any society for that matter, that creates problems. Out of solutions of others, in fact. So, our problems are merely created by others perception of what will solve their specific problems. Now before I get too off-schedule, my problem is just that; that there are so many opinions and so many forces caused by those opinions that we all will not be able to solve all of our problems all the time. Government and society are the best pictures of this. Think of the last couple presidents, and soon to be. Have you liked them? Have you disliked their views? Have you straight out hated them? Hell, for the illogical and comical, have you loved them? Whatever, it may be, there are still forces in this world, man-made forces, to be exact that create problems for us.

That might have been a good intro for this had I not gone off too long, in a nonsensical way. But either way, one must express their thoughts, to the world, to themselves, or whatever will have you. And that ONE, being me; I feel that I must write, to further our lives, and have a deeper purpose, and have understood myself, and ourselves, through self-meditation, or reflection, as such.

Back to my problem, though. Because I do have a problem. I got into a fight the other day with my mother over having the desire, and at 25, the NEED to move out, to get the hell outta here. Sorry for the personal display of emotion there; this is a blog, so that may be legal. And having the desire to move out, the only realistic option I have is to move in with someone else who can support half of that life. And who better person, than a significant other; and at 25, especially in this society, is not that out of the ordinary and the norm to which we have been brought up in, again, as a society. I do not know, I will admit, that I definitely have not been brought up in a family of a broker 24yr old couple. My parents waited for a financially, yet for them, not so much, better time in their lives, and they created my family with love, and God.

And so it was; and never would I have it any other way. I would have heard and known of God anywhere else, but nowhere I would have been so immersed in that sense of self-worth and moral-way of being. And still I believe. But to look at this world and say, 'I can live here uniformingly with God and my fellow man, without living under the net of the society, and all it consists of: government, corporation, media, and most of all in this American Capitalistic Representative Democracy, the economy.

This has been a major topic since forever; we're falling, we're rising. Our views and our society fills with economic influence from everywhere. And most of all from the listed forms that a society takes on.

But perhaps, it is the largest part of society, the people, that should be able to take heed. And not the divisions, that are so powerful, that have taken on and directed the people portion of societies for all that I have known, and since when, I don't know. But should the people not have a major say in the effects of their lives?

I question this everyday, and hate everything, because of it.

But still, I live within this tent we deem society. Yes, I am a minute percentage of that people part of society, but that is nothing, with the power of the other parts of it.
As I always seem to do. I digress.

I told my mother this.

I said I am not trying to not live religiously, or more my view, Godly, as in having a relationship with this maker of the earth. I am not trying to go against this. But I am simply saying that I live within an economic society. And most importantly, I have to make decisions based on the effects of my personal economy. Because, in turn, the other parts of the life that I am living, will be, as is my hope, even though that hope diminishes everyday, prospering. But they, as is logical, usually are adversely affected at times as well. As I told her this, I asked for only one thing, whether she understood the b/s that comes out of my mouth in person, and hell, for that matter, on paper. It gets a little jumbled within my cranium. But either way, I told her that all I asked for was understanding.

I understand that it is not correct to bend your views, especially on subjects as government and religion.

But I cannot seperate the two. And as I have seen many times, and is seen running rampant through our society in these current time, is one of those major sides of society, the economy, is failing, and falling. So what does that mean? We live in a failed society, because all parts work together, and as the government and big business have failed, so have the people.

I guess.

I also guess that my life is affected by the decisions I make, as is any unemployed, or over-employed, person. So, we control our own destinies, maybe. I'm not saying life is chance after that, but I am saying that we will chose the paths the lead to different results every which way.

And in my life, I told my mother I would move in with my girlfriend, outside of the chains of a marital relationship....

side note-
that was harsh. ok. reword.

....outsde the struggles of marriage, but to move in, to only try to further my life.

All I want, and I would think would be the majority of our wishes.

Is to have it a little bit better than our parents ever had it.

I guess the determining factor is how little.

As I continue to never follow a path with my writing, please take this away.

We are greatly affected by our chains to society, and those ARE chains, in the shackle sense.
But, do we have to always live within the confined trenches of our economy.

And as is now, our failing economy.

Selah. As one great writer put it.

I say peace, or more like hope.

B/c I lost all mine.

The end of ingnorance.....

....is a long road, but I'm working and walking towards something.


Maybe what I'd like to think, but its a very grey world; the black
and white cross many times, and I'm not talking about anything racist.
Just merely, that there is no right answer anywhere, its not hiding under a rock,
waiting to be found. I hate to say, its not even in the Bible. There's guidelines,
for sure, but nothing that is going to make your decisions, or show you which paths
to choose when you come to junctures along your way.

So, with all that said, as I have always tried to keep learning and prospering in my life, in one way or another, reading now, but through much application when I was younger, out of pure hate for reading and english, in general. But, this learning, which, I believe, is the key to our lives and prospering in these uncertain days, well, everyday, since the dawn of time, because, we are here to further ourselves. And to do such, we must learn and master the elements within our lives.

As we learn, we prosper more and more knowledge, and ideas; what you can call, the result of the combination and amount and type of learning and information you have been exposed to, or actively sought out. In my case, this has led to a many series of questions, for many aspects of the life we live. Mainly, and in the present, the role, status, and effectives of our lives due to government, the economy, the societal economy, not our personal economies, and the media. In my current readings, I find some very convincing ideas for a better system of media and government, which in turn, greatly effects the economy, however, don't let me forget one other major player, large corporations. These have and will always upset and destroy my view of this world as we know it. The fact that this capitalistic, media-, and agenda-, driven society has embraced big business and left all others in its path. For what; for pure greed. Nothing else; so that they could have 10 million dollar homes and 6 cars; a lifestyle well above lavishly living.

This is the norm. And this is the accepted form of behavior for society; to accept these ideals and give in because we have learned to depend on these.

And sadly, this is how it will remain. Even in the light of the stock market, the mortgage industry, the oil industry, and now, the auto industry.

We are falling, and will fall to these agendas of the rich, and super-rich. Just remember, most of them look at most of us, and say poor. Yes, we have these technologies to blog, and bitch. But we also have a hard way out of this level of living. Hell, we have an almost impossible stance to reach, even the lavishly living. Even though, most, just wish for a break.

I don't like to write much anymore.

I need to.

I hate......sometimes

I do, I really do. Which isn't really what I'm trying to convey in this life, and me, about all, should know that hating and prejudice and this system we're born into isn't right. And its our Right and responsibility to correct that how we see fit, within the means that our country allows. Remember the Civil War. Yes, that, that is what our country was founded on and formed for, the outcasts, the minorities, the poor, what does the Statue of Liberty say, 'Give us your tired and hungry and poor'. Somethin' like that, so I continue with another quote.

'Excuse my french, my emotion and my passion,
but I wear my heart on my sleeve like its the new fashion'

Yeah, I did that. I just went from quoting the Statue of Liberty face plate to quotin' Weezy. Ha.

But anyways, I digress. I do however, and have always, worn my heart on my sleeve to this public, a trait, that for better or worse, has brought me to this somewhat dire situation I've been entangled in now. But I'm here, and surviving, and even living to a certain extent. I'm in love. And to my best friend, he quit his job and has that, so I figure if he can lean on that for self worth and fulfillment, I'll try love too.

But as I wear my heart, I feel better; I feel as if I have progressed. That I tried for that day. And I continue on from those days holding on to the hope that when tomorrow comes I will have that same drive for continuing in my path. A mess that path is, but its filled with many decisions, and its many of these decisions have led me to this point, where I know that I do have these feelings, which seem to infect every aspect of life. I've stopped trying to move forward to stop back and hate. Hate on everything for it bein' it and me bein' me. But thats where I stand; and here's how it came about today that I was made aware of it in the greatest extent possible. Well, maybe thats a little dramatic, I means theres people fighting wars, theres people starving, there are many that have a very much less-desirable life than I am living at the present. But I still I bitch. Is that the American way? Should I blog on a computer, technology that is not available to many who exist outside of this 'digital divide' created by society, mainly our views on a one view capitalist, democratic system. And even more so; to have a country and a world where #1 for most is money. A greed based system of pride and dollar signs. That we are forever and everyday surrounded in. I've been elsewhere. Where these capitalistic American ideals do not flow over to everything, I mean, hell, there are many other places within the US that this is not the case. However, society there may have other societal-induced problems, such as is also a plague to the US, ignorance. So, if greed does not consume your view, it is ignorance. Maybe you've been left out of that picture so ignorance is the choice, whatever it may be, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that. We all have problems, its the decision to change and constantly accept we can be better versions of ourselves.

We are all plagued with problems, whether we know it or not, but its how we address that and continue and 'will live' instead of 'have lived'.

I do hate.

But I also try.

if I ever leave this world alive....

Finding a subject to write about is about the biggest problem I'm having at the present moment. That, mainly is the reason I don't write much. Inspiration, which keeps most from, well, most of what they could accomplish. And I'm no exception, but who thought otherwise? Maybe me at one point actually. That point slowly fades, and reality sets in, but I still strive for somethin'. Maybe not everything I could accomplish, but something. Sad, I'd say, but its the harsh reality of these times. We have to settle, because the outside world is a force that we can neither stop nor slow down. So, we deal. And work around it the best we can.

Enough about meaningless rants on subjects we could neither care for no agree with. So, I continue.

I could write about many things, but my mind and the thoughts and subjects I would wish to write about come about the time I'm not sitting at the computer waiting to write a blog. As does about most occur in my life, maybe generalized into, our lives. Its random, and theres no right way to determine your path, or for that matter, your own interpretation of that past. Specifically, what I would be trying to accomplish with a 'blog'. To only prosper a creative side, but also to never give up in trying to find the correct path, and thus, the right way to guide 'that path'. Sometimes, maybe we fall from the path but we always see the end, even if we don't get there. But its how do we guide ourselves through the path, ie with the decisions we make and choosing between the right way to that destination and the wrong.

It seems that Ive gotten very off-track of this path, so I quit.

Yeah, that was anti-climatic.

Happiness....

Speaking of suicide, and what I would have to believe would be the ultimate cause, or at least the first layer of the cause, would be lack of the above, happiness. Granted, you don't kill yourself over not being happy, the killing is a last act meant for people who are past unhappiness. Hopelessness, if you will, but even more than that.

However, happiness is something I have seen much of in my meaningless little life growing up in Pittsburgh. Here, you learn to be modest and live in those means. Sure, you dream and hope and wish for more; and maybe even work for more. But all is still seen in a modest sense. I dream for only a small house, a nice car, a nice girl to accompany me, and maybe even a nice job. Nothing too outrageous. Modest. So, experiencing some of the times I've been through, Costa Rica, Penn State, Key West, even something as minimal as Steelers games are just a few examples of things most of the people who are in my life have not and may never get to experience. And I am very lucky.

Still, my thoughts and soul is not pleased or even satisfied most of the time. One of the things I live by, told to my by a 'former' friend, who is that only by choice, but that's another blog, and another long story as is this life. But he said, 'Be happy with what you have, but always want more. Be content, but always strive for something better.' Easy enough, basic quotation on a summation of our lives, that many people have said previous and will continue to spout off as we try to understand this world. But I live by that, or try to, along with other little sayings and words that have inspired me throughout the years and continue to these days. My brother once said 'you don't have to enjoy this, but you have to get through this. And thats life, you just have to trudge through the shit when things are bad.' Again summation and an easy paraphrase for our problems, prob'ly repeated again and again by many, but its true, and for me, at least, its the cliches that get me by. And the final one I'll leave with is actually fall out boy.

'the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts'

seriously, they do, I have it on my chest, seriously. Songs are sometimes all we have...

self conclusion - the spill canvas

"Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world."

Excuse me sir,
But I had plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right
My reply:
Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me."
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside of me has died
My reply:
Trust me girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice
Instead of dying, living with me

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do? My offer stands and you must choose

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming."
"Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets


So, there it goes...Its an amazing song; and I guess as subjective as that may be, anyone can like any type of music, so give it a try. It is obviously emo as to its subject and tone; but really, to that type of music, its someone expressing their emotions in the most pure way possible. That is a just a side note of why I enjoy the genre, b/c the spill canvas is tip of emo, close to dashboard. But the music is simply someone giving you the listener their heart; while you hear pop songs, rap songs, rock songs, whatever have you, where the writer is so superficial and such a persona that they don't have anything outside of the lyrics: you know how it goes, money, sex, the lifestyle, whatever you will, but emo is someone's heart. There are flashes of that in many types of music, but nowhere is it more prevalent.

But as much as music matters, so do humans. That doesn't quite work, but I'll run with it. This song is amazing, and emo is good to some; but this song concerns the human, two actually, who have set out a journey, and have failed. They're at the end, or what they believe to be the end of the journey, one that they feel has been a complete waste. And they're there and they find each other in that moment. And realize there's more.

Well. I've experienced death a little, not like most but have had flasshes. Grandma, only 1 that I knew, aunt, that I saw once a year, and several others that have effected me a little, but emotionally, not so much that I was extremely upset. Now, livin in PH, theres many chances and opportunities for death. And sadly, many have chose those. Obviously, drugs are major causes to most. Alcohol counts too, but its PH, like I said, so sadly, and truthfully, drugs are a major part of the deaths that I've been surrounded by, maybe not directly, but most certainly, indirectly. Also, cars and bikes has got some lives.

But suicide directly, like a direct attempt to end your life; thats not so common around here, or at least that I've experienced. I mean, if you're doing heroin, you might as well be wishing death on yourself, but most aren't directly goin' for a death sentence with that.

Well, lets start at this; maybe the point to the entry. I put this exact song on my other blog, my myspace one, for the main reason that its just a good song, and I really wanted to pop one up there, since my prior one was lame, and made me look like a fuckup and pretty much just a straight idiot. So, I posted this song. Two days later, I'm at church, which I was hoping for a revealing and peaceful and mind-soaking time, but the mood was set with the suicide of a fellow struggling Christian, brother, if you will. But he was about a couple years younger than me, about 3 I think, so prob'ly 21. He had went to Costa Rica with me when I was 16, on a mission trip. I never had much direct experience with him, but had enough, and throughout the years, I've seen him and been excited and went through the motions of old friends. It would have been more of an acquaintance in any other situation, but just because we were involved in such a life-changing and powerful experience. But nonetheless, he was an amazing kid, never really knew where he was at the age of 21. Perhaps college, dunno, but either way he was an awesome kid. And he killed himself. Because there was no one there? So, loneliness? I hadn't seen him in what I believe to be at least a year, prob'ly more like 3 or 4. Was it disparity? I have no idea, and the world may never have an idea. Only God will know. But my question and concern is what drives you to that place, even herion, what drives you to that? Life sucks a lot; there are a lot of hardships, especially these days. Financial to be the first, but then maybe its what is bought and gained from those finances. Lack of happiness, or at least contentment, may be the first and top hardship on our list that kills us, or even drives us to our most desperate points.

This is one I can neither debate, nor understand.

ignorance....

I've been come over with a lot of want to write this down; my affinity and obsession with others lives, mainly through media. Thats a little harsh of a way to put it, so I'll dumb it down, or lesson the effects of it, if you will. There is a media-driven necessity, almost as if it was passed from generation to generation, to inquire, and even follow the lives of stars and the like. It, along with many other media-driven forms of communication to the public, drive these idealogies and norms down our throats like we're sitting there, mouth open, tryin' to catch snowflakes in the winter. Bad analogy, real bad in fact.

We, and side note: I really hate to make generalizations, esp with idealogical principles involved, but I do all the time. I used to say, I'm a walking contradiction. So it is. Either way, I, in a mild way. have a need and probably more so, a want, to follow lives of say it a basketball star, like Lebron, or a movie star, like Brad Pitt, even a TV show character, such as what I'm hinting for myself, Entourage, and, hell, if you're really lame, a political figure.

And, another side note, American political representatives are nothin to throw a party about, to say the least. The political system, along with many other major systems within our social framework, does not function properly. And, yes, I speak very subjectively; because in all reality, what is really meant of 'Politics'? This is my favorite quote on the subject and the definition; however, this in my very subjective and ill-informed opinion, because how can we be objective in a subject that is just that, subjective. Get it. There you go. Time to move on. HST said 'politics is the art of controlling your environment.' A definition that is a simple as it is powerful.

What affects us the most within our lives? Our innermost beliefs and thoughts and feelings interacting with the world around us, our environment. So, what better way to get more off-track of the main subject, than to say that maybe the later, the political figures are the smarter choice between the list of others. I mean, one is fictional, one is created from series of fictional characters, if you follow me on that one, and the other could beat you at one game, well some of them are big, so maybe a couple.

Nonetheless, we still chose to live vicariously through these characters or even real people, but a person is only as good as his whole, so how can we even see a whole person through a media-driven form of capitalist-driven corporations and their ulterior motives.

So, just as the media and the government connect, thus do the corporations. It seems as if all three make up the American society and especially what is perceived by outsiders, what it sadly seems to be today. And, what that society, and those institutions don't know, is that, the United States of America can no longer be the world power of yesteryear, of my parents generation, coming off WWII. This United States does not have the key ingredients, such as resources, ie OIL, at least in quantity needed, and also a sense of society that does not come from the media, but through a sense of also community, an attachment to one another. Because, a society is a very large sense of an attachment, maybe even at the bitter core, a reason for being, but, so is, community, a smaller version of a society, that with the development of large cities, is being wiped out.

I have a very skeptical, and pessimistic, view, excuse me, but I'm there and I've been there. I'm not talking straight poverty in the hood or even Welfare, but to start lower middle-class, with the middle class being abolished as I continue to waste my time blogging and not getting ready. Being there shows you another side of America that maybe isn't hell holes and jail cells, but it aint fuckin rainbows and cherry pie either. Maybe since I'm from Pittsburgh, Stillers and Beer. Either way, theres so much more than all of that, but which will life grant? And which will have to dig out of our holes and try to obtain. With most failing at the latter. As I do everyday.

State Board of Education

Its come apparent that I will not be able to attend the forumn, as it was yesterday....
There is a Nov 5th deadline to send in comments. Not quite sure what they consider 'comments'
but I'll take it as a letter....

Dear blah blah,

My name is Zachary Chick; I am a December 2006 accounting graduate of Penn State. At the present, this 'average' field has given me employment despite the broken economy, but I am with an option on how to handle over $100K. I did take 4 and half years; I did study abroad; there was one summer semester as well. But to come out of it all with $100k in loans to private banks because the same tactics that were used in the mortgage industry were used to lore me. All throughout the process, I was aware of the enormous debt that was adding up. However, my parents and I were never aware of the responsibility of these binding debts, that, with current law, cannot be declared in bankruptcy. And that is and never was my intention; I pay every month as required, the minimum unfortunatly and obviously, since its about half my pay per month. All throughout this and to now, I have and will obviously be average 'middle class Joe', as the current canidates are putting it; but I very much feel that there should be more government mandated programs for better access to loans with less interest rates and better time tables on how to pay back fixed-rate loans at raising rates, maybe salary-induced or by the year after graduation. Also, to have mandatory counselors assigned to someone, for example, that has over or is in the process to being indebted in to borrow over $50K. I just throw several programs out there that to give an example of government action that took place. Even government loans have so many restrictions; myself, I was only granted around $6K from the government, which do in fact have better programs attached. One could postpone these for 'X 'number of years, there is better access to consolidation programs, and the interest rates are relatively lower. This private student loan industry went unregulated behind the drive of the mortgage industry boom.

I will provide figures later....


I'm done, I have to compile a professional version of this, not just sit here and blog it.

ha, I'm not professional.

I never have a computer and a blog the times I really want to write and am inspired...Is that too long to be a title of a blog.....

....Am I supposed to name it like a movie. Brother, Where art though?....Help.....the Death of College....I'll go with the last, even though, thats not particularly stating what this will be about, but the mere death of me in total...Sooo, the name of the entire blog...as I did just post a 'speech' to a State Board, which as is now, I hit a couple blocks and basically, 'pussed out'....No other way to put it other than slang; I have a desire to make a difference, or, at the very least, have a voice and use it. Instead of this stagnant, selfish society that is America...And perhaps that, is a good introduction....So, maybe I don't have a good title, but an intro is as good as a title...

So, back to my original inspiration of the moment. Football. It's seem to have taken over all my interest and my determination of my level of joy. I am telling many of this addiction, but none seem to take it seriously. But it is an addiction, I'm fantasyin, watchin football Sunday, and all Saturday, and letting my emotions be controlled by the outcome of a game, a game that, at times, I question if its even fixed. So, my level of happiness or depression is driven by this GAME. And I very much understand this situation, and its severity, but it is this. And That is an association that I have put onto these teams. I live, and was born and raised, in Pittsburgh; DUH! pretty obvious where my football priorities lie there. And I went to Penn State. by they way, Lets go State! So, as I have branded myself with this, my 'hopes and dreams' are intertwined with this GAME. I was so bad at the bar yesterday, that I literally was like real nervous that whole game. Obviously, being at a bar, I made the right to decision on how to calm my nerves, and shotted myself. Only a couple, but the beers didn't stop flowing. All, as is normal, with this generation. Although, I'm not very big on generalizations, I still put that out there. Mainly because there are always exceptions. And while grouping all of those in one category, or generalization, only shows ignorance, AND, a blatant display of it. But as much as I love State, the Steelers, and Pittsburgh sports, it is only trying to fill a void that I have of something. Love for some things and interests and hobbies are all good, but taking it to a dominating level, does not seem to me worth basing my life on. And definitely spending my whole life attached to a game, and on others lives, would be a waste. So, somewhere there is a happy medium. Hopefully, I'll find mine. But as I sit here and 'blog' I'm reminded of why I 'Blog'. To find myself, which as long as I've been writing about myself and my experiences, I have never found myself, Maybe, even stepped backwards on that path. Hell, I've even come to many psychological and societal 'generalizations', but like I just said, thats all wrong. So, I futilely write so I never stop trying. And thats one thing I believe in, and can generalize my life into. Never stop that. But I fail, and so, as Vonnegut put in the book I'm readin right now
So it goes...

ha, and, as Hunter puts it.

And I digress...

To do or not to do.....

So, this isnt really about arguing with myself about to do something or not, its about what would I say if I did do that something. Which is make a speech and read that shit in front of how many people at a State Forum meeting. I feel it must be done, so I'll work toward that, failure or not...

here it goes....


......gotta continue later, bbl, thats the letters I think they use these days...

ok, so its later....and I have not reached a decision to do or not...however, I don't have the entirety of what I was to say, as I was much more motivated and compelled before....

but I'll try to put down something:


I'm not usually one to do these sort of things, however, with this issue I feel I must. As must any who has been this burdened, because even standing in our own ashes, we still must fight. So, here I lie, burdened by Student Debt because of following the path I believed the American society, and the government, had chosen for me. And as is also tradition, I headed to the State School, the only school I had wanted to go to since I was 12 yrs old and visited there for a trip to the Annual State Championships. What a momentous event, but not the most, with an acception letter, I never saw my about average grades and not to above average SAT's granting me. But it happened, and so I went, well with a minor bump in the road, I decided to SAVE MONEY and go to the closer local branch campus. Instead of the MAIN campus. I can continue on through time spent worrying about the debt I was to have, even going as far as a broken hand, which I probably should not mention. I am just here to show my story and the story of what Sarah Palin and John McCain may call 'Joe Six-pack' or 'Joe the Plumber', with an accounting twist on the last one. But as I feel that this issue should be a fore frontal policy discussed by the candidates of our current election, it without doubt, and bias of Republican or Democrat, should be discussed with our economic policy. With what some call the worst economic times since the Depression, our country's stance on education should be the main topic. We are the crop and farmer of this country that will keep it growing. Sure, there will always be old, rich people running us, but to ensure that this 'great', capitalistic country does not fall in its own policies, and die with them, we must educate. Providing life-binding loans to undereducated students is robbery and policy should be enacted to inform the youth of America of the upsides and downs to using financial institutions and acquiring binding debts. Also, the other major downfall of this country, that it is right to finance your life away. Debt is what the American Government is binded by, so how is it a surprise that the American people are believed to think and act in that manner. And while, wildly spending debt irresponsibly should not be condoned, investing in your or your child's education with this backing should be regulated and not as easily given. Maybe counselors, mandatory counselors, could be a major issue, if you were to have to incur over $50k of college debt. I just know that, in my case, as I was informed of the burdens of the debt I took, I never saw the astronomical MINIMAL monthly fee I would be required to rack in each month.

The times passes...

Wow, its been 3 years since Ive attempted one of these, and again i'd like to get my stuff, poems, words, songs, whatever, out there, even if noones there to read, at least there there, and my unread, maybe even unwritten, words will be not seen or appreciated, or understood for that matter, at least theyre there and I won't die in infamy to never have left this world with anything but ruined friendships, failed attempts to follow my creator, and a family thats just bearly hanging on...wow, long sentence, and too many uses of the word wow, I can't be amazed at everything, or can I. Well, maybe this is being started to strike my creativity so that I can proceed to write the book Ive been wanting to write*I hear they have a website for that too. They think of everything, and take it away to corporate america to make money off our needy american souls, and the rest of the world that is in our percentile, not many, and to think I complain about my economic situation, when I'm surrounded by the hood, and many people, black and white, who don't drive cadillacs and have penn state educations, even though the rest of my life, or at least 20 yrs will be spent with my hand to the grindstone trying to pay those 'blessings' that most forgo b/c they realize, like I should have, that they were not born for that. But I tried to reach for more and failed, but I'm not done yet. i'm just getting started. Losing hope along the way, but that lies everywhere, in music, in others blessings, in my familys stability. And most of all, in my head. As does the choice that we all have. To make something of what we've been given, or will we just fall away in indifference and live menial, ignorant, stagnant lives. Something I fight everyday, while going to and fro from my 9 to 5. And here I release, and try to understand all, while you either listen, don't, or I just rant to one day, hopefully(and I'm losing that daily) understand myself. Selah. An end like a great intellectual of our time once put, many times, so I shall use.